Wednesday, 2 September 2009

Heavy Hearted

The reality of how attached one gets to someone else simply via communicating in the exchange of messages typed on a keyboard to someone else out there has come crashing down on me again this week.

Two very long-standing in-world friends, Jaid Marsi and Hiero (he'll forgive me for not even attempting to spell his whole name!) have announced their intentions to leave Second Life. I cannot express properly how much this has pained me. Jaid helped me out so much early on with her most wonderful pictures that we used for past issues of the Shire Times newspaper. Their pictoral adventures in their guise as Fox & Wolf have never failed to amuse and have captured the essence of being tiny in a largely-biggy world absolutely perfectly. They have been sources of inspiration, both directly and indirectly - it was Jaid who asked me to make the Emergency Waffle Case! - to myself, and dozens of other in-world photojournalists and artists.

They have been wonderful supporters of Raglan in so many ways and personally in a million more. I have been genuinely saddened by their decision and I sincerely hope that they do look to other avenues of online networking to allow me to be able to stay in touch with them. They have come to a joint decision that suits them both (and in many ways is perfect for their legacy, as they were inseparable), but for reasons which are wholly personal to each.

It's made me feel really lonely. I don't know why. Every day I log on, I am surrounded by genuinely friendly and caring people; but recently, a feeling of isolation has come to haunt me. I can sort of put it down to a few reasons. Panacea refuses to speak to me these days, for reasons unknown to me. I used to get on very well with Pan, but she has distanced herself quite intentionally over the past few weeks. She was a good source of advice and help, as well as someone to banter with, and I miss that interaction a great deal.

I have upset Bo and Karma too, by speaking my mind over a recent issue around the Shires. I know both of them were hurt by my reaction; I kinda wish I had expressed myself more properly to indicate that I too had been hurt by the matter, but it didn't come off like that. So, partly my fault on that one, but I had my reasons for venting my frustration in the first place. Amazing how having someone just walk away or zoom off on their bike as soon as you get within speaking distance of them can feel like they've just drawn a knife across your throat.

There are probably dozens of other people I upset on a day-to-day basis. If any of them read this (doubtful - I don't know anyone who reads this! Ha!) then I do genuinely apologise if it upsets you, but it's just how I am sometimes. It is NEVER my intention to hurt or upset anyone. But I know only too well after this week that emotions in a virtual world can run just as strong, and yet can be just as fragile, as they are in a real one.


Bo Fiddlesticks said...

Oh Chaff, I can really stick you behind the wallpaper (Dutch expression ;)) sometimes, but you know I wuvsya and we'll always land on our paws together ;o]

Karmagirl said...

Ah ha! I do so read this! OK so I not mad at you or upset, was for all of 10 minutes, 20 tops! Also when I sees you online I dont run away from you, I usually go see what you up too, or what fun/cool thing you workin on next. I dont avoids my friends, esp. you, cause I think of you like an older brother. We may have disagreements or even fight sometimes, but we are family!
I apologize too if I upset you, never my intention to hurt ppl either. I sometimes feel sad, lonely and isolated too. Ppl in the real world can be so harsh, that why I value our friendship and sounds like you value your online friends too. Sad to see Jaid and Hiero leave.
Ok so dont feel sad, come see me when you inworld and I will hook you up with some nachos on a stick.

Eladrienne Laval said...


*hugs Chaff and hands him a stack of waffles*

HeadBurro Antfarm said...

"It's made me feel really lonely. I don't know why. Every day I log on, I am surrounded by genuinely friendly and caring people; but recently, a feeling of isolation has come to haunt me"

Gawd... you know, you hit the nail on the head there - this is the dog that hunts me through SL too. And in a way it simply does not in RL. How weird is that?